We have moved

If you've happened across this blog recently, I've moved all my writing and resources to my non-profit's website.  Signposts Ministries is a site for parents of children with chronic health problems or disabilities.  If you're interested, you can wander over.

Signposts Ministries, Inc.

Using Satan's Flaming Arrows to Light the Refiner's Fire

*We now interrupt our regularly scheduled "parenting" blog to bring you this message that's just plain useful to any Christian*

Where do I begin?  Sometimes messages in my life are so inextricably linked, that I have a hard time pulling out one or two sticky-noodly-threads to illustrate a point.  God reiterates a theme; it appear from many sources.  Sometimes several themes are linked- such as in this case.  Gifts-service-testing-refining...

Recently our pastor has been focusing on spiritual gifts.  What are yours?  Are you using them?  Where do you fit in the body of Christ?  This morning, the focus started out on having a "can do" attitude rather than the knee jerk response, "I can't.  I'm not good enough."  I think we often feel this way- especially in our society, so driven to perfection by the media.  However, Philippians 2:13 says, "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."  Awesome thought, huh? You're off the hook.  You're right.  You can't be good enough on your own.  It's only through God's Holy Spirit working through you, that you can act according to his good purposes.

Not good enough.  Not good enough.

Sounds humble, doesn't it?

"God, I sure am glad that you think I can teach this Sunday School class, but really... I might embarrass you.  No one would learn a thing.  What  if a visitor left our church, never to return, because of their horrible experience in my class?  I'm sure there's someone better for the job.  I'm just sayin'..."

I'm sorry, that answer is Innnnnnncorrect!

Trust me.  God gives us gifts.  He wants us to use them.  If you are the worst person in the world for a job, I'm sure another tactful part of the body of Christ will let you know.  "Ummm, Susie... I'm so glad you volunteered to teach the Kindergarten VBS class this year.  However, we REALLY need help in the kitchen.  I loved how you made that Noah's Ark out of graham crackers last year..."  Otherwise, if you have the ability to do something (and no one throws themselves in front of you to stop you), and you feel that God is poking you gently in the side with a stick saying, "I want you to do this" .... well....then you should do it.  Sans the sign on your back that says, "I'm really not good enough."  And the hat that says, "Somebody else should be doing this..."  And the shirt that says,"I can't!" on the front, and "When they were passing out gifts, God skipped me," on the back.

But why?  Santy Clause, why?  Why are you taking my ex..cu..ses, why?

Because.  Our gifts are for God's glory.  Not ours.  When you find yourself making excuses and feeling "not good enough," you are actually falling into the sin of pride.  Pride is not only for those who have six figure salaries, special talents, and egos that are so big they have to live in the guest house.  Pride attacks us when we tell God (of all people!) we can't do something he's asked us to, because we are afraid of what other people might think.  We don't want to be judged by others.  We don't want some artist to walk in and see the mural that we made for the childrens' play and think, "Hmmph, who did that?"  We don't want the students in our class to think, "Man, this is the most boring teacher I've ever had."  We don't want to do anything that might expose ourselves to possible criticism.  If we're not a professional in the area of cooking, then we're going to stay out of the kitchen.

And that's just what Satan wants you to think.  He knows he's defeated.  He knows you have on your helmet of salvation.  He knows you're attached as a part of the body of Christ.  He knows he's already lost the ultimate battle.  But for now, he wants you to forget that.  He wants you to feel paralyzed with defeat.  He wants you to feel unworthy to serve.  He wants to make you ineffectual.

God knows we have a tendency to compare ourselves to others. Don't worry about what other people think.  Put your pride aside.  God addresses this issue in Romans 14:4, when he says, "Who are you to judge someone else's servant?  To his own master he stands or falls.  And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand."  God is able to make you stand.  You're his servant.  No one else has the right to judge how good of a job you are doing.

Now.  Let's switch gears and get a little personal.

Last Sunday, I changed my week to sing special music from the 23rd to the 16th.  I needed to sing on the 16th because I had nursery duty the following week.  By Monday night, I started feeling under the weather.  By Tuesday, I had the flu.  Quickly realizing what the problem was, I got a prescription for Tamiflu, and started gobbling it down.  As the week progressed, I got better.  By this weekend, I was almost completely well- except for some lingering respiratory issues.  Surprise, surprise.  See, Satan is very familiar with my weaknesses.  Almost every time I have to sing, I get sick.  I'm usually just sick enough to be able to push through the music.  If I were too sick to sing at all, there would be no problem.  The problem arises when I know I have to sing, but I'm not going to do "my best." I am a little bit of a perfectionist, and I hate hate hate not being able to do things as well as I think I should be able to do them.  I sometimes really lose focus and concentrate so much on my inabilities, that I forget why I'm doing what I'm doing in the first place.  Satan loves this.  He gets to press the old pride button.  He knows I don't want people to think I'm doing a "bad job."  He whispers, "What if they never ask you to sing again?  Everyone will know it's because you did such a horrible job the last time you were up here.  It was so bad, I think one of the deacons dropped the offering plate on that high note."

I'm aware that Satan does this to me.  It's intentional.  It's not an accident.

I'm also aware that I can pick up the shield of faith and quench all the flaming arrows and darts of the evil one.  Take that, Satan.  God said so.

So, this morning, before service, I got on my knees and prayed that I would be able to keep my focus on glorifying God.  I prayed that Satan not be allowed to work in a way that would distract others from worshiping, but that if God didn't want to completely make my scratchy throat disappesar, that was ok.  As long as Satan couldn't use it to stir up my pride.  I let God know that the music was for him.  If he was pleased with it, that's all that mattered.


So.  Did God make my voice come back the second I stepped up to the front of the church?  Did that glob of grossness fall off my vocal cords the moment I clutched the microphone?  Nope.  But he did help me through the song without anything distracting occurring.  I didn't screech.  My voice didn't break.  I didn't pass out.  No crazy sounds, that would have distracted people from worshiping, came out of the sound system.  And I did what God wanted me to do.  I worshiped him.  He didn't ask my opinion on whether or not I thought it was good.  He didn't ask the choir director's opinion on whether or not it sounded good.  He gave me a gift.  He asked me to use it.  And I did.

Meanwhile, Satan was a little disappointed.  Nothing turned out the way he planned.  I recognized his scheme to make me prideful and ineffective, and I didn't fall in the trap.  He thought he was piercing me with a flaming arrow.  He thought he would be able to convince me my shield of faith didn't work.  God said it could quench all the flaming arrows- but this one got by.  Maybe I would doubt God's word.  Satan asked to sift me, but Satan could only do it with permission from God.  That's because God knew that he would take that fiery dart, blow on it a couple times to fan the flame, and then reach over to use it to light his refiner's fire.

Satan needs to be called out on this stuff, because when his schemes are brought to light, we turn the table and make him ineffective.  As the father of all lies, he is also an abuser and accuser. One reason he is able to continue abusing and accusing the saints, is that we keep it a secret.  In an abusive relationship, keeping things secret enables the abuser to continue in their pattern.  So I'm telling you in what sneaky manner our adversary tried to devour my ability to worship, so you can recognize when a similar scenario happens to you.  He's really not very original, and on mankind in general, he tries the same old tricks with slight variations.

Our sermon today ended with the reminder that God has gifted us, but we also need to get our vessels ready for service by allowing ourselves to be purified.  He will test us.  He will allow us to go through sifting in order to make use better servants for him.  He wants us to be able to use our gifts with a pure and holy heart- free from pride (or false pride).  Free from any yucky junk that would make us the fork that, while potentially useful, has gross stuff on it- so we send it back to the restaurant kitchen.

If you are that fork that gets sent back to the kitchen, let God put you in his industrial dishwasher.  And you may just find he's using Satan's evil, flaming darts to heat up the same water that's going to make you clean.

Sin Is Like Your Eyebrows OR What Do You Need to Pluck From Your Life?

So what happened to me for two months?  I don't really know.  My four year old daughter did have orthopedic surgery, but that wasn't really the problem.  Whatever cloud came over my brain is gone now, and I'm back.  Woo.  I can hear the applause.  It's like the sound of one hand clapping...

I know you are intrigued by my heading.  What do eyebrows have to do with Christian parenting?    Not much.  This post is a little light on the "parenting" part.  Although, I do believe that any Biblical truth we learn is applicable to parenting, because at the very least, it should be an active word that changes us- thus changing who we are, and who we are as a parent.

Back to eyebrows.  

I was noticing the other day how babies are born with such faint eyebrows.  We know they have eyebrows, it's just that we can't see them very well.  The eyebrows have a long way to go before they can try out for the next Brooke Sheilds or Groucho Marx look-alike.  Even my babies with the darkest hair still have delicate eyebrows.  No one feels the need to take their toddler to the salon to get waxed.  

Somehow, between babyhood and adulthood, that changes.  Teenage girls are already plucking and preening.  Some boys are starting to develop the old uni-brow, reminiscent of Burt, from Sesame Street.  I suspect the change has something to do with puberty, but I'm not motivated enough to Google it.  Whatever causes the change is irrelevant.  It happens.

I got to thinking about how similar that is to sin.  We are born with a sinful nature, but really, one barely notices it on a sweet little baby.  This faint hint of selfish humanity is there, but overall, children are held as an example of what we need to be like to enter the kingdom of heaven.  Unfortunately, as we age, some of the innocence and faith wears off, and the sin nature starts peeking out a little more.  Our eyebrow hairs of sin grow darker and thicker.  Then they start popping up in places that are very unbecoming.  Some people don't care.  They just let it go.  Shaggy, bushy, unruly sin- ungroomed, for all the world to see.  Others try to tame the wild hairs.  Waxing, plucking, cutting.  We remove the obvious, socially unacceptable sins, and comb the rest down into an attractive shape.  I know that when I get my eyebrows waxed, they look great.  And they stay that way for a couple of weeks.  Until...

Here come the hairs again.  I'll keep them at bay for a while, tweezing at home.  Finally I'll break down and pay for another wax.  (Hmmm, sounds a little bit like how some people view going to church.  They'll go just enough to keep up appearances.)   Can we ever get rid of the hairs?  No.  They'll always try to come back.  We just have to be vigilant enough to catch them before they get out of hand. 

What I want you to do is:  next time you look at your eyebrows, ask yourself, "Is there any sin I need to pluck out of my life?  Are there any unruly hairs that are ruining my beauty as a Christian?"  You may need to go to the Great Physician (beautician?) and get a good wax.

PS.  Just how are you supposed to see your spiritual eyebrows?  The Word of God gives you pretty good lighting, and the Holy Spirit makes an excellent mirror.  :)

Guest Post: Self Pity is a Dangerous Bed-Fellow

I've been out of the loop for the past couple of weeks.  For those of you who don't know, I am also working on a film project with a friend of mine.  I'm helping score the film, and have been very preoccupied.  Fortunately, we are blessed with a guest post by another wonderful friend of mine, Caroline Collie.  Caroline is a missionary to South Africa.  She regularly posts to her own blog, which I read EVERY DAY.  I kid you not.  It's my favorite blog, and I highly recommend you bookmark it or put it in your Google Reader.  Here's the link to From Africa With Love. I hope that she will provide us with more posts in the future.  I chose this particular post (from a selection she gave me) because I believe, as parents, it is easy to fall victim to self pity.  Parents work pretty hard, ya know?  We start to lose our identity to a certain extent.  We become so-and-so's-mom or dad.  It can be a thankless job at at times- and that's when Satan has the best chance to convince us we need to take our reward into our own hands.  Who wants to wait for God's blessings when we can go purchase our own?  Anyway, I'll let Caroline speak now.  She's awesome.

Self Pity is a Dangerous Bed-Fellow

Thanks so much, Annie Beth, for “having me over” to share on your blog! I hope it’s an encouragement and a blessing. Now on to the subject at hand!

How’s your internal monologue doing? Do you spend much time thinking about what you’re thinking about? If you’ve read much of my writing, you’re probably aware that I am often thinking about what I am thinking about. It is a privilege we enjoy as humans, being able to exercise rational thought, and to consider our considerations, to peruse our own meditations and look for merit and falsehood. I think we would do well to give more attention to it.

If you think about what you’re thinking about, you may begin to recognise patterns. There was one rotten thought pattern that grasped a good hold of me for a while. It took me a while to recognise it. You know how you run through possible scenarios in your mind, of how something could take place, based on a series of events turning in a certain direction? Let me give you an example. I’m thinking about pushing the Bear (my 18 month old) across the street to the grocery store in his pram/stroller. I’m thinking about how it’s sometimes a pain in the bum because the road can get busy with traffic and I have to wait a long time to cross. I picture the idea of a car I didn’t see coming out of nowhere, changing lanes and slamming into us...ambulance, hospital, funeral... you get the idea. I am not sure if this type of thing happened in my mind quite so often before I was a Mommy.

It sounds really morbid doesn’t it? But these thoughts have an influence on how we live our lives. If we allow fear to take hold of our thought life, we’ll struggle to get out the door. I began reciting Scripture verses to combat this fear pattern -- remembering God’s faithfulness and good promises for my life, asking God for the power, love and sound mind He promises comes with the Spirit He gives. The pattern has weakened its grasp on my thought life, and I’m working toward its extinction.

There is another thought pattern that might take hold of you, as it occasionally does of me. And I suppose it might be even more dangerous than fear. It’s the snivelling and murmuring voice of Self-Pity. And it can take you down a road that you most certainly do not want to go.

As I pay attention to my thoughts, I may find opportunity to avoid discipline, to avoid God’s best, to get out of the ways and the patterns He is leading me into at the moment. For me right now, these ways include a healthy turn away from materialism, and a recognition and denial of the desires of my selfish nature. I am learning to focus on the Lord, be content with what I have, and put others before myself. This is good and godly discipline which I want more and more.

But there are those days. The days when the giving and the loving feel like they’ve stretched you too far. The days when you see what others have and it makes you discontent because you don’t. The days when the little one(s) at your feet asks for more of you than you feel able to give. Enter Self-Pity, stage left.

Perhaps I can paint the picture for you. Self Pity gently whispers: You’ve been faithful with your finances and you are living away from your family and friends for the sake of Jesus. (Can you picture Self-Pity stroking me on the shoulder? Do you hear a hissss in the background?) Surely you deserve a little something for yourself. You’re always doing the dishes and taking care of the baby (Self-Pity likes to overexaggerate in your favour and might stretch the truth so far it’s a lie.) Surely you can demand some time for yourself. Surely you don’t really need to keep your commitment to focusing on getting out of debt or staying inside your grocery budget. Where is the reward? What about a little something just for you?

It might be something as simple as: You’ve been so good and worked so hard all week at the gym. Why not enjoy a double portion of ice cream with chocolate sauce?

Now I’m not saying all of these things are wrong, or they’re all sins. What I am saying is when we begin to allow the voice of Self-Pity to dictate our steps and decisions on small things, we may be willing to give him more room to encourage us in the wrong direction on bigger things. We shouldn’t give the enemy even a foothold in our lives. S-P encourages us to throw off the discipline that it is good for us to live under.

Why is it a big deal? I think, though we don’t talk about it much, we are called to live a disciplined life for God. It absolutely flies in the face of our self-gratifying-I-want-it-now-if-the-shoe-fits-buy-it-in-every-colour culture. When’s the last time an advert on TV encouraged you to deny yourself? Have you seen a billboard lately that told you not to buy something? (Unless it was telling you to buy something else instead). But that’s exactly what Jesus said. Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Me.

My suggestion on the best combatant for the voice of Self-Pity? Look at Jesus. Look at the author and finisher of your faith. Consider Him who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross. As Hebrews 12:3 & 4 says, “For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. You have not resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.” (I think that is an allusion to Jesus physically suffering, bleeding under the weight of our sin.)

Isn’t that really worth considering? How persecuted for Jesus are you? My guess is, if you’re reading this right now, not very much. Have you ever been physically beaten for your faith? Will you ever have to endure what Jesus endured for you? You will never carry the sin of the whole world on your shoulders. In response to the One who carried our sins for us on His shoulders, let’s step up to the plate, get serious about walking in His ways, and lay aside our excessive affections for the things of this world. He is SO worthy!

The Sermon in a Nutshell: If Self-Pity is waiting for you to come to bed, go sleep on the couch with Jesus.

People do people-y things

My brain has kind of checked out on me for the past couple of weeks.  I've been absorbed in some good reading, and now a new Bible study.  Although my thoughts are still fragmented, I have a few words that I want to share with parents.  It's really two quotes I've stolen.  One is from a dear friend, and the other is from the Beth Moore Bible study Believing God.

The first phrase, that has been jumping to mind often, is "People do people-y things."  This is really a comment on human nature.  While we may be disappointed in the actions of others, we have to remember (in the words of Steven Curtis Chapman):

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God 

Only God is God.  We are mankind.  And people do people-y (imperfect) things.  On our own, our behavior (or our hearts, at least) will never achieve a perfect 10. Our children fall into the same category we do.  While parenting, we need to remember that there will be times when our children behave imperfectly.  Their attitudes may need adjusting.  Their actions may need changing.  This is our time to teach them the five statements I have stolen from Beth Moore:

1. God is who He says He is.
2. God can do what He says He can do.
3. I am who God says I am.
4. I can do all things through Christ.
5. God's word is alive and active in me.



The only way to change our lives and attitudes is to believe God- not just in him, but to really believe him.  We need to be children of God.  Otherwise we are just people.  And people do people-y things.




 

I wanna do it!

It is developmentally appropriate for children to go through a phase where they want to do everything for themselves.  If they didn't, they would never grow up, and we'd have a society of 30 year olds that still expect Mom to do their laundry.  (If you are one of these people, please, please learn to use a washer and dryer.  While you're at it, you might want to study how the stove works.)

The problem with this, is that to get to the point where your child can do things well, you have to suffer through them doing things really slowly and awkwardly.  As much trouble as it is to dress your baby and change their diaper, it's much, much easier than waiting for your preschooler to squeeze their head through their shirt, get their legs in the right leg holes, and go to the bathroom on their own.  Usually they get a body part stuck in their clothes.  After a brief struggle, they start screaming for help.  You are so happy to to take over (maybe we'll actually get to church on time), but as soon as you free the offending limb, you're verbally pushed back with a firm, "I wanna do it!"

I think that God honors our baby-Christian efforts to serve him.  We may not do everything right.  We may get our head stuck in our arm hole- but he is patient and he is kind.  He is ready to help us when we need it, and he knows exactly how long to let us struggle before stepping in. 

Waiting for your small person to get their coat on can be a challenge.  Arms in the right holes...line up the zipper....zip it successfully....all the way up...you could have been in the car by now...they can't reach the hood because it's exactly in the middle of their back.... In all this, remember God's patience with you.  If he were to snatch us up, stuff us in a jacket, and throw us in the car- we'd never grow.  God has to give us the chance to serve him on our own.  He has to let us make mistakes, so we will learn from them. 

God wants us to eventually become mature Christians (maybe not "perfect" Christians, but at least "mature").  Once we move from drinking the milk of the word to chewing the meat, we can begin to puree some of that for younger Christians.  We can help take care of God's little children.  We can patiently teach them how to serve God.  And one day, we should hear them cry, "I wanna do it!" 

Colossians 1:10 Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. - NLT

Matthew 23:9 Ummm...male parental unit...?

Matthew 23:9 And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven.

Every child, at some point in time, tries out their parent's given name.  What preschooler hasn't shouted, "Hey Brad (or John, or Bob...)" at their dad?  Most of the time, they've just figured out that their parent actually has a name besides Mommy or Daddy.  This is why so many couples are still calling each other by their parental titles- long after the children are out of the house.  You get used to modeling the  language for your young children, so they will use the right terms when they start to speak.  

Here's a shocker.  How would you feel if I told you the Bible says your kids should drop the title "Dad". They should call you "Fred", instead?

Don't worry.  It doesn't.

But it's sooooooo easy to take things out of context, isn't it?  What the Bible does say, in Matthew 23:9, is to call no man your "Father".  What?  Didn't we just spend about half the Old Testament talking about respecting your parents?

This is why you can't just go around yanking random verses out of the Bible, applying them to whatever you like.  You have to look at context.  What does this say in the context of  the text?  What does this say in the context of history?  Finally, what does this say in the context of today?

All around this verse, you'll find criticism of the religious leaders of the day.  The teachers of the law had come to a point where their position was more political than spiritual.  Their teachings were hypocritical.  Interestingly enough, despite this, Jesus never encouraged the people to disregard the teachings and laws.  Jesus told his disciples to practice what the interpreters of the law told them, but to not follow their example.  He put a big sign on the Pharisees that said, "Do as I say- not as I do."

At that time in history, one of the many ostentatious practices the teachers had begun, was requiring people to refer to them as Rabbi, Father, or Master.  Note I said "required".  This was not a situation where a young disciple sat at his teacher's feet and said, "I've learned so much from you- you're like a father to me."  The teacher himself required his students to refer to him as if he were the master of the universe.  (Wait- wasn't that He-Man?)

It is honorable to give respect where respect is due, but it is sinful for the person in the position of authority to demand it, in order that he may obtain unquestioning obedience to his personal interpretations of scripture.

The message that Jesus was giving, the message that still applies to us today, is that we should consider no one our spiritual Father- other than God.  Jesus said to call no one, "Rabbi"- for we are all equal as brothers and sisters in Christ.  He goes as far as saying, allow no one to call you "Teacher" (I believe that would be with a capital "T"), for the only real teacher we have is Jesus Christ the Messiah.  He then goes on to remind us that if we exalt ourselves, we will be humbled, and if we humble ourselves, we will be exalted.

Once again, in our position as parents, we need to remember that we are just recipients of God's grace.  Don't be prideful.  Don't laud your position over your children, but humble yourselves as a servant teacher. 

So I guess, Dads.......it looks like you get to keep your title for now.