Guest Post: Self Pity is a Dangerous Bed-Fellow

I've been out of the loop for the past couple of weeks.  For those of you who don't know, I am also working on a film project with a friend of mine.  I'm helping score the film, and have been very preoccupied.  Fortunately, we are blessed with a guest post by another wonderful friend of mine, Caroline Collie.  Caroline is a missionary to South Africa.  She regularly posts to her own blog, which I read EVERY DAY.  I kid you not.  It's my favorite blog, and I highly recommend you bookmark it or put it in your Google Reader.  Here's the link to From Africa With Love. I hope that she will provide us with more posts in the future.  I chose this particular post (from a selection she gave me) because I believe, as parents, it is easy to fall victim to self pity.  Parents work pretty hard, ya know?  We start to lose our identity to a certain extent.  We become so-and-so's-mom or dad.  It can be a thankless job at at times- and that's when Satan has the best chance to convince us we need to take our reward into our own hands.  Who wants to wait for God's blessings when we can go purchase our own?  Anyway, I'll let Caroline speak now.  She's awesome.

Self Pity is a Dangerous Bed-Fellow

Thanks so much, Annie Beth, for “having me over” to share on your blog! I hope it’s an encouragement and a blessing. Now on to the subject at hand!

How’s your internal monologue doing? Do you spend much time thinking about what you’re thinking about? If you’ve read much of my writing, you’re probably aware that I am often thinking about what I am thinking about. It is a privilege we enjoy as humans, being able to exercise rational thought, and to consider our considerations, to peruse our own meditations and look for merit and falsehood. I think we would do well to give more attention to it.

If you think about what you’re thinking about, you may begin to recognise patterns. There was one rotten thought pattern that grasped a good hold of me for a while. It took me a while to recognise it. You know how you run through possible scenarios in your mind, of how something could take place, based on a series of events turning in a certain direction? Let me give you an example. I’m thinking about pushing the Bear (my 18 month old) across the street to the grocery store in his pram/stroller. I’m thinking about how it’s sometimes a pain in the bum because the road can get busy with traffic and I have to wait a long time to cross. I picture the idea of a car I didn’t see coming out of nowhere, changing lanes and slamming into us...ambulance, hospital, funeral... you get the idea. I am not sure if this type of thing happened in my mind quite so often before I was a Mommy.

It sounds really morbid doesn’t it? But these thoughts have an influence on how we live our lives. If we allow fear to take hold of our thought life, we’ll struggle to get out the door. I began reciting Scripture verses to combat this fear pattern -- remembering God’s faithfulness and good promises for my life, asking God for the power, love and sound mind He promises comes with the Spirit He gives. The pattern has weakened its grasp on my thought life, and I’m working toward its extinction.

There is another thought pattern that might take hold of you, as it occasionally does of me. And I suppose it might be even more dangerous than fear. It’s the snivelling and murmuring voice of Self-Pity. And it can take you down a road that you most certainly do not want to go.

As I pay attention to my thoughts, I may find opportunity to avoid discipline, to avoid God’s best, to get out of the ways and the patterns He is leading me into at the moment. For me right now, these ways include a healthy turn away from materialism, and a recognition and denial of the desires of my selfish nature. I am learning to focus on the Lord, be content with what I have, and put others before myself. This is good and godly discipline which I want more and more.

But there are those days. The days when the giving and the loving feel like they’ve stretched you too far. The days when you see what others have and it makes you discontent because you don’t. The days when the little one(s) at your feet asks for more of you than you feel able to give. Enter Self-Pity, stage left.

Perhaps I can paint the picture for you. Self Pity gently whispers: You’ve been faithful with your finances and you are living away from your family and friends for the sake of Jesus. (Can you picture Self-Pity stroking me on the shoulder? Do you hear a hissss in the background?) Surely you deserve a little something for yourself. You’re always doing the dishes and taking care of the baby (Self-Pity likes to overexaggerate in your favour and might stretch the truth so far it’s a lie.) Surely you can demand some time for yourself. Surely you don’t really need to keep your commitment to focusing on getting out of debt or staying inside your grocery budget. Where is the reward? What about a little something just for you?

It might be something as simple as: You’ve been so good and worked so hard all week at the gym. Why not enjoy a double portion of ice cream with chocolate sauce?

Now I’m not saying all of these things are wrong, or they’re all sins. What I am saying is when we begin to allow the voice of Self-Pity to dictate our steps and decisions on small things, we may be willing to give him more room to encourage us in the wrong direction on bigger things. We shouldn’t give the enemy even a foothold in our lives. S-P encourages us to throw off the discipline that it is good for us to live under.

Why is it a big deal? I think, though we don’t talk about it much, we are called to live a disciplined life for God. It absolutely flies in the face of our self-gratifying-I-want-it-now-if-the-shoe-fits-buy-it-in-every-colour culture. When’s the last time an advert on TV encouraged you to deny yourself? Have you seen a billboard lately that told you not to buy something? (Unless it was telling you to buy something else instead). But that’s exactly what Jesus said. Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Me.

My suggestion on the best combatant for the voice of Self-Pity? Look at Jesus. Look at the author and finisher of your faith. Consider Him who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross. As Hebrews 12:3 & 4 says, “For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. You have not resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.” (I think that is an allusion to Jesus physically suffering, bleeding under the weight of our sin.)

Isn’t that really worth considering? How persecuted for Jesus are you? My guess is, if you’re reading this right now, not very much. Have you ever been physically beaten for your faith? Will you ever have to endure what Jesus endured for you? You will never carry the sin of the whole world on your shoulders. In response to the One who carried our sins for us on His shoulders, let’s step up to the plate, get serious about walking in His ways, and lay aside our excessive affections for the things of this world. He is SO worthy!

The Sermon in a Nutshell: If Self-Pity is waiting for you to come to bed, go sleep on the couch with Jesus.